


An Idiot in a Suit

by mistressterably



Series: One offs - TTOI related [18]
Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 04:09:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5115278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistressterably/pseuds/mistressterably
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from @flydye88 on tumblr: Remember the scene where Malcolm is talking to Ollie and he says something (I’m paraphrasing here)“There he goes, they’ll say, no friends-no real friends no children, no glory…well fuck them” Can you write that Sam hears him,gets him alone and at first she is really mad at him (because she always thought they were real friends)Then she starts to chastise him for belittling himself (she can’t stand him doing that to himself) and finally they admit their feelings for each other. <br/>Feel free to make if angsty, fluffy, passionate or all three.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Idiot in a Suit

Malcolm stood on the proverbial cliff edge as the end of his career loomed in front of him and Ollie honestly thought he could replace Malcolm? He painted for the young tit-wank the reality of the life he had been living for the past years.   
Ollie’s had the courtesy of looking shocked, not that Malcolm believed the little shit: ‘Christ, Malcolm, this is like the video you leave on YouTube after you've blown your brains out.’

His response was cold, ‘I'm as dead as fucking Two-Tone. But I can fashion my own exit.’  
‘Oh, Christ. What, are you going to fly to Switzerland, have a wank with a nurse and a bye-bye pill, are you?’ Now Ollie showed his true colors, the young prick not wanting to wait one more moment to step on his corpse.

‘Funny, funny man. Political exit. What you're going to see is a masterclass in fucking dignity, son. The audience will be on their feet. "There he goes" they'll say, "No friends, no real friends, no children, no glory no memoirs...", well, fuck them.’ Malcolm said, turning his back on his wannabe protege to head into his office. 

Sam, at her desk, anticipating the whirlwind that was descending on Malcolm (and herself by extension), overheard Ollie talking to one of the other aides about what Malcolm had told him and then laughing at the demise of Malcolm. The words that she had heard from Ollie that Malcolm had told him had really hurt her to the quick. How could he even think that he had no real friends, she thought to herself. What was she? Just his PA? That hadn’t been how he had treated her over the years. It certainly wasn’t how she felt about him! Her hands kept moving, packing up files and folders. When it came to his desk, it got harder as she pulled out small items that he’d collected.   
‘Don’t worry, Steve.’ Sam told the new media manipulator. ‘I’ll see to it that Malcolm gets the last of his things.’

‘Don’t be talking to him.’ Steve warned her. ‘Not if you want to keep your job. He’s done now. You have to look to the future now.’ 

‘I know, Steve. I know.’ Sam answered. Oh yes, she knew. She didn’t like it one bit. She certainly didn’t have to like it. With the last of Malcolm’s desk emptied and ready for Steve to move in, Sam placed the lid on the box and taped it shut. ‘I’ll deliver this know, if you don’t mind. It’s been a long day and I’d like to leave early.’

‘Of course. Make sure you’re here on time tomorrow. It will be just as long a day as the dust settles.’ Steve dismissed her and Sam left the office, box in hand to take it to Malcolm.

As she drove through the city to Malcolm’s place, the words that he had said to Ollie kept repeating in her head. ‘No friends, no real friends, no children, no glory no memoirs.’ She wanted to throttle him for not thinking of her. What was she then? The man just infuriated her at times! He had better have a good explanation waiting for her!

Pulling up at Malcolm’s place. There were no press there any more. He was no longer a headline after a whole day. The government moved on. There was an inquiry for them to continue to gnaw on like an old bone. There was a new media man to deal with who had new ideas and a new plan. Malcolm was old news now. Sam wondered how he was taking it. Knocking on his door, she heard him rather than saw him, ‘Fuck the fuck off unless you’re the pizza guy!’

‘Hope you ordered pepperoni!’ Sam called back at him through the door.

‘Hey! Sam!’ Malcolm smiled broadly for a moment before the scowl re-appeared. ‘What the fuck are you doing here? You should be burying your head up Fleming’s arse now, not wasting your breath on me.’

‘Idiot.’ Sam said and thrust the box at him. ‘Cleaned out your desk.’

‘Oh.’ Malcolm took hold of it and stepped back into his house. ‘I’ve got a pizza coming. If you want some.’

‘I have a bone to pick with you, Mr. Tucker.’ Sam told him, following him into his front hall.

‘Didn’t think you’d want to pick at the last shreds of flesh from my corpse, Sam.’ Malcolm grinned crookedly at his own bad humor. ‘OW’ Sam swatted him in the head from behind, almost making him drop the box he carried. ‘What the fuck was that for?’

‘No friends, no children, no glory?’ Sam repeated his words back to him.

‘Oh, fuck. Is that actually going on my epitaph then?’ He laughed in an unfunny manner. ‘Ollie must be enjoying himself.’

‘He’ll have to do a lot of work to get on Steve Fleming’s team.’ Sam said. ‘What did you mean by no friends?’

Malcolm sighed and dropped the box onto his dining table before crashing once more onto his sofa. ‘It’s a pretty simple statement, Sam. No friends. I’ve spent all my time in that job, cutting people down to size and watching them crumble one after another. You think any of them are going to come running to see how I’m doing? No one’s going to do anything more than rub their hands in glee at my downfall.’

‘You’re not my boss any more, Malcolm so I can’t get into trouble for smacking you.’ Sam told him off. ‘Which is what I ought to do right now!’

‘You already did, Sam! You don’t need to fucking do it again!’ He held up his hands to protect himself. ‘And why the fuck do you want to hit me anyway!’

‘No friends? What on earth do you think I am!’ Sam said, her voice cracking slightly at the last words.

‘You’re my PA. Were my PA, Sam.’ Malcolm reminded her and then had to raise an arm again to catch her smacking hand. ‘Ow! Cut that out!’

‘Just your PA? Are you the idiot they make you out to be in the news? Would just a PA do all that I did for you over the years?’

Malcolm blinked rapidly. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I’ve thought of you as my friend for years, Malcolm!’ Sam finally told him, standing over him.

Malcolm’s gaze turned sad as one end of his lips quirked upwards. ‘Well, this friendship is too toxic, Sam. You’ve done what you had to do, I appreciate it but you should have turned your back on me just like everyone else. Fuck them over one last time and make them spend the money to courier the stuff to me.’ He looked out the window. ‘It’s all a big fucking joke anyway.’

‘What is?’ Sam asked, her anger vented now and she sat on the sofa by his side. 

‘The whole fucking thing. I spent all that time building the party up and no one ever thanked me.’ Malcolm laughed sarcastically. ‘Turned 50 and got a Happy Birthday Cunt cake. It’s all for the best probably.’

‘You could do so much more for the Party, Malcolm.’ Sam didn’t like the way he was talking. This was a side to him she had never seen nor ever imagined of him.

‘No, Sam. I’m done. Used up. I’m a dead battery. No one in Government is going to think twice about me.’ Malcolm slouched in the sofa, rubbing his eyes to fight back the tears that threatened to leak out. ‘Ollie was right. Time’s change and I belong in the past. The future of politics doesn’t include a dinosaur like me. The velociraptor is extinct.’

‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, Malcolm. You’ve got a lot in you yet. You’ve always said you can do better than all the journalists you’ve manipulated in the past. Here’s your chance.’

‘Sam, darling. I’m not going to be any use to any newspaper or talk show out there. I curse too much. Fuck them all, take their dildos and shove them in their bungholes until they finally say what they’re supposed to say. That’s what I’ve done in the past. That’s not what an editor will be looking for. I could get away with it behind closed doors but not in the public eye. Not that way.’ Malcolm sighed heavily. ‘I’ll be lucky to get an appearance on I’m a Celebrity. I’ve eaten enough shit covered cocks over the years, I should win easily.’

‘Stop that, Malcolm.’ Sam spoke severely. ‘You are not like this.’

‘How would you know?’ Malcolm shot back at her. ‘All you’ve ever seen is that man in the office, suit on, tie straight, laying down the law. It’s not like you ever saw me outside the office, sitting here alone in my house, like I am now, wondering and worrying what will happen the next day. Who is it that will fuck up next and how will I cope, manage it, deal with it! The sleepless nights bent over the fucking toilet throwing up the food I’d finally managed to eat. It’s a fucking wonder I didn’t die from the stress years ago.’ Malcolm got up from the sofa, pacing now. ‘You say you’re a friend. I call bullshit on that Sam.’ He pointed at her. ‘You know why? Because the only thing that I can see you as thinking you’re a friend of mine is because I didn’t take you by the asshole and rip you wide open so that your guts would spill out to the world to make it easier for me to stitch you back up into the perfect fucking puppet that the Party needed. I was only useful for so long to them. That’s over. Time for me to move on, find some lame consulting job and scrape by until I’m either in the grave or piss drunk on the dole.’

‘You’re wrong, Malcolm!’ Sam got up, standing in front of him. ‘You’re not useless. You’re not used up. I know you’re not. I know that you’re the most intelligent man out of all of them in that building. You knew what needed to be done, how it had to be done and you got it done! There’s no one left in that Party that will be able to do what you did.’ Sam could feel tears slowly tracking down her cheeks. She took hold of his jumper, gripping it tight. ‘I am your friend, Malcolm. Maybe I wasn’t the greatest friend. I could have done more. I wish I had! Learning what you had to handle on your own makes my heart ache!‘

‘Yeah, well. You had enough to fucking deal with didn’t you, Sam.’ Malcolm smiled sadly at her, his thumbs finding her tears and brushing them away. ‘Putting up with this fucking asshole for so many years, forcing me to eat and drink as best you could, trying to get me to stop working all night. Fuck, Sam, how many times did you show up for work the next day and have to remind me to shave my fucking stubble!’ Sam laughed at the reference to his stubble, remembering the times she’d caught him about to go to a PM’s breakfast meeting without shaving first. ‘You were always the best PA any man could ever have hoped for. You fucking nailed it every single time. I couldn’t have lived with myself if you’d known me outside the office. I’m hard enough on myself let alone having someone else to deal with me too.’

‘I would have been there to help you, Malcolm. No matter what.’ Sam was emphatic, the grip of her hands on his jumper were like exclamation points, thumping into his chest with her words. ‘You may not see me as a friend, but I am. I’m here now to help you.’

‘Helping me will get your ass fired by Fleming, Sam. I’ve done enough fucking damage to myself. I’m not about to let you land in the pig shit with me. No fucking way.’ Malcolm took hold of her hands, easing them from his jumper. ‘Forget about this old fuck up, Sam. You got years left of a great career with the government. Wouldn’t surprise me if the PM tries to snatch you out of Fleming’s clutches. Fuck knows I had to burn his fucking balls a number of times when he mentioned transferring you to his team.’

‘I’m glad you did, Malcolm. I could never have been happy working with the PM.’ Sam peered into his eyes, noticing they were red. As red as hers now she thought. ‘Please, Malcolm. Believe in yourself. I believe in you.’

‘Sam,’ Malcolm shook his head slowly. ‘You should put your faith in someone who matters. I certainly don’t.’

‘You do. I don’t know how else to make you believe that!’ Sam felt frustrated. 

‘Darling, you can’t get a shriveled up cock to cum no matter how hard you pump it.’ Malcolm told her, trying to get her to laugh. It didn’t work. Instead, she was resting her head against his chest. ‘Aw, come on, Sam. Don’t.. please.. don’t.’ Awkwardly, he put his arms around her. The moment he had enveloped her in his hug, he felt something in his heart give way. ‘Sam, please. Pull yourself together.’ His hand moved up to stroke her hair. How many times had he imagined holding her like this but not giving in because she was his PA and bosses just didn’t do that with their PA’s. Not anymore that’s for sure. And not if they were honorable men. Sam’s arms snaked around him, holding him tight. 

‘Malcolm, I can’t bear to see you give up!’ Sam cried into his chest, not daring to look at him.

‘Sam, you’ve got more fight in you than I do now. You’re the last person I’d want to see go down in flames with me.’ He pulled away from her, holding her by the shoulders in a firm grip. Gazing into her eyes, ‘It doesn’t matter if it’s the PM or Fleming who winds up taking you on, but you go on and you show them that you deserve PA of the fucking millennium award.’

Sam shook her head, ‘No Malcolm. I couldn’t bear it. Not after what they did to you. I’m not going back there. The only reason I made it through the work day… ‘ She stopped, biting her lips in fear.

‘What?’ Malcolm asked her, prompting her to finish what she was about to say.

‘You.’ She whispered. 

‘Me?’ Malcolm looked at her, stunned. 

‘You, Malcolm.’ Sam felt tears forming in her eyes again. ‘At first, it was just a PA job. But I got to know you. Not as well as I had hoped, now that you’ve told me what happened to you outside the office. But I knew you. I knew that you could be as mean as anything but you were never mean to me. I admired your intelligence, your patience, your strength. You dealt with people the way they needed to be.’

‘I’m… ‘ Malcolm was lost for words.

‘I shouldn’t have, Malcolm. But I did.’ Sam brushed more tears away. ‘I fell in love with you, Malcolm.’

‘You...fell in love? With me?’ Malcolm’s mouth fell open. 

‘I did.’ Sam nodded. ‘I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to be there for you the best way I could.’

‘Sam, I’m… ‘ Malcolm stuttered, his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t stop his hand shaking as it rested on her cheek, his long fingers touching her lightly. ‘I’m a fucking idiot who hopes he hasn’t made too much of a mess of this whole shit storm life of his.’ He chewed on his thumb a moment before looking at her. ‘Fucking hell, Sam.’

‘I know it’s wrong but I can’t hide it any more. I love you, Malcolm.’

Malcolm grabbed her, pulling her in tight against his body, hugging her as hard as he dared. ‘Oh Sam! If I’d known…I.. I don’t know what to say.. ’ 

Sam smiled at him, her hand moving to rest on his, ‘You could try telling me you love me too?’

His eyes were only on her before he was bear hugging her hard enough to lift her from her feet. ‘Fucking fuck me, Sam. I love you, too!’

 

‘


End file.
